Reasons
by Descended From Elves
Summary: Leo is falling to pieces after 'Ghosts.' Harry helps put him back together. Slash.


I know the fandom doesn't exactly love it, but I've adored Harry/Leo for years, since before Nikki existed. So this is my contribution to that tiny area of Silent Witness fandom.

I might be posting more depending on your response and my motivation. I'm determined to make the H/L love grow!

Takes place after 'Ghosts.'

* * *

After everything, after the arrests were made and the man responsible for the deaths of Theresa and Cassie was finally jailed, he had expected it to feel better. Something should have changed. Justice was supposed to bring some kind of closure. Months of drab courtrooms, the scammer's legal wrangling stretching the case on long past its natural lifetime had finally ended with the results Leo had been hoping for. But the face of that man, the one who had ripped his life apart still shimmered before his eyes, all the time.

Sitting on the floor of the living room in the empty house in Sheffield, leaning against a pile of boxes, Leo flicked through the final case report. Tonight was the last night he was spending in this house, trapped by the memories of his wife's laugh, his daughter's smile. The report was long, long enough for him to be reading it until the delivery men arrived the next morning. He had never really slept here anyway, preferring to spend all his time in the London flat, but with his things being collected at half seven the next morning he had been compelled to come through one last time.

Just as he was looking over the second sentencing record, Leo's mobile rang. Looking up in surprise, he reached out and picked up off the floor.

"Hey Harry." he said into the phone after checking the called ID.

"Hey," came his college's reply, "how are you?" Leo sighed.

"I take it you found out the moving dates." he said. Harry struggled for words for a second before Leo put him out of his misery. "If you must check up on me I'm fine, honestly. You don't have to worry." There was a brief pause, then Harry said;

"I'm not so sure about that."

"Why not?" Leo asked, a little annoyed at Harry's presumption.

"Because it's after two in the morning and you living room light is still on."

Leo leapt to his feet, dropping the phone on the floor and stormed to the front door, as he opened it, Harry got out of his car on the other side of the street and slid his phone closed. He was smiling slightly, but a look of concern played around his eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here?" demanded Leo. Harry held up his hands in defence.

"Not checking on you, if that's what you think." he replied.

"Well that's what it bloody well looks like!". Leo was furious. "I told you not to try and look after me."

"I was visiting my mother Leo, she just moved to Huddersfield, and I had to stop for petrol." Unwilling to be swayed by Harry's plaintive look and somewhat reasonable argument Leo replied;

There aren't any petrol stations on this street. You should have stayed on the main road." Harry's look became a little guilty.

"Well I just... I thought I should, you know, drive past. I knew it was the last night." he noticed the anger growing on the other man's face and stepped forward, "But, Leo, I swear wasn't checking up on you. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I wasn't going to call you, but then I saw your light on and... You're my friend, Leo, I'm allowed to worry about you."

After his monologue, Harry stood still, watching Leo's face closely. After a few seconds of silence, Leo finally spoke again.

"The petrol stations here are all out. Drivers strike." Harry shrugged.

"I'll get some somewhere, don't worry.". Leo shook his head.

"You're here now, you might as well come in."

"Really?" said Harry, tentatively, "you're sure?". Leo stood to one side, holding open the door.

"I'm not offering you anything else, not out of bitterness, it's all in boxes." Harry laughed quietly and Leo gave a weak smile.

"I think there's still some beer somewhere, hang on." As Leo made his way to the dark kitchen, Harry entered the living room. It was empty but for a pile of boxes, all the furniture must have been thrown out or sold, having no place in the small London flat. He noticed the papers scattered on the floor and bent down to look at them. He was reading the closest page of the report when Leo appeared in the doorway. Harry looked up at him.

"Why are you torturing yourself, Leo?" Harry looked sad. Leo walked towards him and handed him a beer, looking down at him, saying nothing.

"It's been months Leo, you have to stop thinking about this guy, he's gone."

"Not to me he's not." Leo sat down, resting his back against the boxes, just where he had been before Harry appeared. "I still see him every day, every night. I want to leave him behind, I want to be able to think about them without him blocking out their faces. I have to do this one last time, here." He gazed at Harry, hoping he would understand. Finally the younger man eased himself down to sit beside Leo, and grabbed the closest sheaf of papers. Leo suddenly felt infinitely grateful that Harry had turned up. That he had someone willing to do this miserable task with him. Harry gave a determined smile.

"I suppose we'd better get started then."

* * *

Two hours, eight beers and a third of a bottle of very cheap wine later Harry and Leo were lying on the floor laughing together. Leo was recounting stories of trying to impress Theresa at school, and of their hopeless first date.

"I just can't believe you wore a carnation, to a bloody cafe. You must have been such a geek." Harry laughed out loud.

"I thought it would impress her, how was I supposed to know her dead bloody grandfather used to give them to her?!"

"You should still have known that a carnation would make you look like a prat on the first date! You must have done something really right, because anyone else would have broken up with you on the doorstep. Hell, I would have broken up with you!" Leo grinned, and stared up at the ceiling. "So what did you do," Harry persisted, "how did you sweep her off her feet and removed so magnificently?"

"She told me later that she had been impressed by my, and I quote, 'slavish obsession with proper dates'. I was so good, I was bad, but so bad I was good, I guess." Harry rolled over to face him.

"You mean you won her over with some kind of weird paradox? That is the weakest reason for falling in love I have ever heard." Leo laughed again, more quietly this time.

"Could be worse, at least I don't fall for people because they're my one and only female colleague." He smiled gently at Harry.

"Mmm, yeah. I really thought... you know. I really did. But I don't think it would ever have worked. Nikki needs someone more... stable. I mean, I think we would blow out of steam a couple of months down the road. And can you imagine the psychological profiles of our kids? That's something I wouldn't wish to inflict on anyone! But, uh, no. I think I was more in love with the idea of being with her."

They lapsed into silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Leo sat up and fished two bottles out of their second six pack and opened one, handing in to Harry. As he went to open his own, the world swam before his eyes. Harry, still lying down beside him looked up in concern.

"Might want to slow down there." Leo grimaced.

"I'd rather not."

* * *

The beer was finished, six bottles each, and the wine was heading that way. They were taking turns swigging from it, and drunkenness had made Leo maudlin.

"'M never gunna be able to carry on, H'rry. 'M reason for living... s'jus gone." He slurred. Sh's gone, an' Cass. All gone." Leo moaned and covered his head with his hands. Harry, not much less inebriated shifted forward and draped an arm over Leo. A small part f his mind registered that this was a very personal act, something that sober Leo would find unspeakably awkward, but drunk Leo leaned into him. They lay like that for a while whilst Leo gathered himself, then pulled back.

"I don't know what to do Harry. I'm scared of being old and lonely, of having to go on without them. I'm already lonely and it's only been a few months." Harry gripped the back of Leo's head intently, another thing he would never have done sober.

"You won't feel like this forever, Leo. You and I and Nikki, we spend our lives dealing with grieving people. Sometimes it seems like the whole world is loosing people. But the whole world isn't sad or lonely. Everything is empty now, but U swear on my experience and the experience of every person on the planet, you will be happy again. I swear." He pulled away his hand, letting his arm rest on the floor. "And as for being alone, you didn't really think Nikki and I were going anywhere did you? We're your friends. You don't need to let us in, but it might help if you did. We only want what's best for you."

Harry was gazing at him so openly, his eyes gentle and pleading, his hair mussed up around his head and his neck at a slightly awkward angle. Without thinking about the consequences, without even thinking past the moment, Leo did the only thing he could right then. He leaned forward and kissed Harry very gently on the mouth. The kiss lingered, his eyes closed, Harry's wide open, before he pulled away, studying Harry's face. Their eyes held of a few seconds, before Harry finally whispered;

"Are you sure?" Leo sighed.

"I don't know." He ran his hand through his hair then reached out and brushed the other man's cheek lightly.

"I'm confusing myself."

Harry towards him, kissing him again. It felt right, the same kind of right kissing Theresa had felt the first time. Oh, God, Theresa... He lashed out, pushing Harry away from him. Harry sat up, staring at him, but Leo couldn't bear the hurt and confusion in his eyes. He staggered to door.

"Leo..." Harry's voice was small, quiet. Leo tore open one of the boxes and pulled two blankets out, throwing one at Harry.

"Leo, please."

"Don't. Just don't. This was a mistake, I should never have key you in. You're making everything worse." He refused to look at Harry, knowing he might break down if he did. "I'm going to sleep in the other room." He rushed out, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Leo woke up the next morning to painfully bright sunlight and a pounding headache. As he lay on the dining room floor memories of the previous night slowly flooded back. Harry appearing at the door. The two of them making their way through two boxes of beer and bottle of wine. They had spoken about Theresa and Cassie, about Nikki... and, oh Christ. That.

The door to the living room was closed, he remembered slamming it, so he had to set down the two cups of tea on the radiator to open it. Moving into the room he looked down at Harry, wrapped up in a throw. He looked very young, his hair falling haphazardly over his face and one hand curled into a fist. Leo looked down at him for a moment, reminded of why he had wanted to kiss

Harry in the first place. Then he gently shook him awake.

Bleary eyed, Harry sat up, wordlessly accepting two paracetamol from Leo and taking them with his first mouthful of tea. Leo opted to speak first.

"I'm sorry." Harry waved away his words.

"S'okay."

"It's not though, because even though I said it was a mistake, and tried to blame you, it was me. I wanted to. That's what I'm sorry for." Harry reached out and covered Leo's hand with his own.

"That's the only thing in that whole speech you don't have to be sorry for." he said with a little smile. Very slowly, keeping his eyes on Leo's, gauging his reaction, Harry leaned forwards and pressed his mouth against the others. It was instantly reciprocated, Leo grasping at him, one hand in his hair and the other on his back. Harry could barely keep up and when they broke apart he were bright-eyed and breathless. Leo touched his face.

"I'm not sure I can, Harry. Not yet. I need more time. I need to be sure." Harry nodded his understanding. "You should go home, if you're okay to drive. The delivery men'll be here in a few minutes."

Just before he opened the front door, Leo pulled Harry in for another brief kiss.

"You know where I'll be." said Harry. Leo nodded.

"I know."

* * *

_Seven Months Later_

Leo walked up to his front door. He had spent the whole day working on a triple homicide with Nikki, it being Harry's day off. They had been brainstorming way past office hours before Nikki had forced him to let her go on the fairly good grounds that she had a date. Now he was realising how tired he was, but he perked up as he remembered how important tonight was.

Entering the flat he had bought five months previously, after finally selling the poky old one-bedroomed one made his way to the kitchen. Harry was standing at the stove cooking a curry, filling the room with its delicious smell, but he turned as Leo entered.

"Smells great."

"You bet it does, I'm not doing this domestic thing half -heartedly and I expect as good an offering from you on your days off." Leo laughed and walked over to kiss him.

Tonight was important. Tonight was the first night after Harry officially moved in. As he watched Harry cooking, he was reminded of all the reasons why he fell in love, the best and the worst.

Smiling, Leo moved in for another kiss.


End file.
